Mystery...

Mystery why is it your got me in the hold that eventhough I thought you didn't want me I let go. Now that I've let go that's not what I want. I want you Mystery. Its because I knew that this would happen, you won't take me back. Behind the curtain again I'm in line waiting for your cue. All this time why is it you were waiting on my cue. Shit is so different now. I walk with this heavy ass burden that can't be taken off as much as I try to alleviate it. I wanted to seek it on a spiritual level that why I was moving in a direction of a person I wanted on the level I wanted to be at. No not meaning be with that person but be more like that person, as a mentor, a confidante , an outlet to my fear. I did use your words in vain. I'm sorry for that, that is the worst thing, but cheating I can't even describe it like that. Cheating to me is being intimate with another while already committed to another person. I was NEVER, God knows, Never initimate. A hug when you greet someone, is initmate? no. When you walk next to the person in conversation is initimate? no. Have I just defined it in the wrong way. Yes in ways I did express myself it seemed intimiate, but not in the way of that. Do you understand why this happened? I want to know from an older person how to deal with obstacles ahead. I know I treated you as a king. Never did I put you at my feet. I was afraid of it going to far, yes, and I do appologize for that Mystery. God knows I love you with my heart. Constant disapproval around me and with you its always open arms and warmth, I did take that for granted. Send my regards to Ms. Mystery, because she'll treat you better. Yes I'm upset I let you go, the best thing in my life I let go. To some bs that I couldn't prevent, it just happened, and you know what I'm talking about Mystery.
Trust trust, I hope it can still be said again.